The Car Crash of the Century

This post title is not a metaphor.

Hospital Flowers actually applies to me quite well right now, aside from the fact that I didn't go to the hospital and I didn't receive violets filling my room as recompense for the dreadful accident (which would have been nice, I must say).

The story? It was raining very hard, the road was extremely slick, I was in a van with not-so-good tires going along the highway at 55 miles per hour. When the wheel in my hands started to slip wrong ways, I started to worry, but I wrestled it back where it was supposed to be and thought I was okay and only worried that the guys following me would think I looked like I was drunk. (stupid? yes. but that was how I was weaving)

I wasn't okay. The wheels hadn't successfully rebelled, and they were determined to-- so they tried again and succeeded. Maybe I'd overcompensated for the first time I started losing control, or maybe I was going too fast, but in any case, the van whipped around more than 180 degrees and I crashed into the guard rail of the highway and slid down the embankment.

My heart was in my mouth. I thought I was going to die. All I could do as I spun around in what couldn't have been more than ten seconds was try to hold onto the wheel and pray as hard as I could that I didn't hit anyone. The worst possible thing that could happen was me killing someone or severely injuring them in a car accident.

Everything seemed to start again once the car stopped. While I was spinning, it was like time slowed down, because I can remember exactly what I was thinking in those ten seconds, but I can only vaguely remember the details of what happened afterward.

The guys following me pulled off the highway and got me out of the car and sent me to sit in their car, out of the rain, and I tried calling my family members. They didn't pick up at first, but I managed to contact them, especially my dad. My sister even drove out to the accident and gave me a much-needed hug, even though everything was pretty much over by the time she got there.

Firemen and a policewoman came within fifteen minutes of the accident and helped us so much. They were so kind. The firemen even managed to drive the van down the embankment and through a fence gate onto a side street so that we didn't have to pay to get a tow. Thank you Lord!

The policewoman brought me to her patrol car so that we could fill out an accident report. It wasn't until I sat down in the too-little-legroom back seat that I realized I was trembling on the inside; maybe on the outside, too. She was so helpful and good and we filled out the report together really nicely. She didn't put any points on my driving record, but reminded me to check the vehicle condition and take note of driving conditions so that I could drive accordingly. Yes ma'am!

The van still worked to drive, and we actually ended up driving it to our destination, along with the rest of the boys in the other car. One of the guys drove the van for me because I just couldn't do it right then. You know how you can shirk away from some kinds of food if you've just thrown them up from being sick? That's how it was with me.

Our destination was our filming location, actually, and we ended up filming regardless of the accident-- just picked ourselves up and kept going. It was hard, but something good came out of the accident, like in Hospital Flowers. I'd been tense about the filming, about everything going well, and the accident reminded me that I am not perfect. I'm not going to be perfect. I've messed up, and I'm very sure I'll do so again, but that's okay.

Realizing that we're not perfect allows us to move on through our mistakes and make the best of problems, and to give it all to God-- it even allows us to be cheerful about the bad parts of life. If we're stuck in thinking everything HAS to be perfect, when things aren't (as they inevitably will be), then we'll seize up when mistakes happen, or be so stressed about the possibility of bad things happening that we'll freeze and not be able to function.

So even though I felt so cool driving this enormous van in the rain (as I did), on top of the world, I messed up and got knocked off my high horse. And because of that realization of imperfection, I learned some humility and was able to be flexible during filming and be joyful through the times we messed up and try again, and to be okay if things weren't just so, at least most of the time.

Filming went better because of the car crash of the century. Maybe that was my roomful of violets. :)

-Tina

My life be like...

It's good, that's for sure. I lost sight of it all the time, but yep, there it is when I bother myself to actually look.

I filmed a MOVIE this past weekend. Yes, my friends. It was an honest-to-goodness short film. How do you differ between a home movie and our awesomeness of a film? Regard the list:

• We had a camera that's actually HD and not crappy and uses little tapes
• We had a boom (a BOOM, I tell you!) and external sound equipment which sounds SO nice
• We hired actors (we didn't pay them, but they weren't just, say, my mom) and they actually came
• We didn't know the actors before they came (except one, but that was a change in plans--more on that later)
• I bought lunch for my workers and did not send them home to get lunch, or tell them to bring lunch
• We had an actual location, not just my house
• I was working with a director! AAAAH!

And on the list goes! It was such an experience, and I never want to forget it. I usually get so stressed out about these things. I even forget to breathe properly (if you want to reference an old post of mine) and hyperventilate. This time it was different. I think it was because I had an awesome, most splendid director who has been a part of/worked on the crew of what I define as REAL films before. She was so helpful, and I'd like to think we helped each other, too.

Filming was crazy, of course. The actor we hired (whom we didn't know) came to location, found the doors locked (she was supposed to call us to have us let her in, cause we were there) and turned around and went home. This would be fine, except for she lived an hour away. We didn't have a cell phone number with which to contact her, and by the time we did the runaround through my director's mom to get it, she was 45 minutes away. And she couldn't come back.

MAJOR setback! We had location and an actor for this ONE DAY. Our other actor wasn't coming. Solution? Get your friend who was supposed to do continuity for the day to play the part! Crazy lines memorization and lots of frenzy ensues.

It worked out well, though, and the director and I were really surprised at HOW well. It was one of those instances where we were basically, "God, this is yours. We give it to you; it'll work out the way you want it to."

I loved filming, every minute. Being a producer this time around was great. Five hours filming for a five minute film was great. And doing post production this week? That is and will be great too.

I'd love prayers anyhow, though! This is a big business, it is, it is!

-Tina, Producer extraordinaire! :D

ZIP!

Right now is the time to write a super-quick post before bed!

I'm updating you on the status of my film and the film festival. I finished the film the day after I wrote the last post about it, and editing was finished roughly...lastthursday. I cut it pretty close because the film was due on friday. Yep, I was slow!

Anyhow, my film got accepted! It's to be shown along with other films at a local movie theatre. I wonder if it'll be shown on the big screen? Who knows. I'm hoping to have a marvelous time, and I'm very excited about the whole affair already.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but I hope that I place at least.

Goodnight!

-Tina

Can't breathe...

Without you. But I have to.

Just thought I'd do a post title that was completely unrelated to the content of my post. 'Cause while I DO have "Breathe" by Taylor Swift stuck in my head, my mind is running more in the direction of filmmaking than of country music.

Today was the second day of filming for a movie that my friends and I are making. Believe you me, It was nuts. I went into the venture vowing not to become stressed because I was the director, and then, wouldn't you know it, I got stressed about trying not to be stressed about being the director. Seems as though I can't win, eh?

Perhaps a better plan would have been to accept that I would get stressed, but to have plans for dealing with it rather than trying frantically to keep it out of my head. We got alot done, though; only four scenes left to film.

The movie is called The Wishing Well, by the way. It's a little script that I wrote up, inspired by some great books by Edward Eager. I must admit, I had alot more fun writing the script than directing the movie. After the crazy, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ACTION!" day was finished and I was feeling about as tightly wound as a kite string, I wondered why exactly I didn't like directing as much as I thought I would. I think I've figured it out.

ONE: I was not merely directing. I was deciding who got recorded, and where every shot would be taken. I was being the cinematographer as well as the director. Cinematographer=add on extra work and stress.

TWO: I was recording the shots, being the camera woman as well as the director and cinematographer. Camera woman=add on more work and stress.

THREE: I was not only recording the shots. We only have one camera, and in order for the shots to look nice and have different shots per scene, we had to move the camera and often record the same scene again. And again. And again. So technically, I was a team of camera people. Team of camera people= add on lots more work and stress.

So what does that add up to? A grumpy Tina at the end of the day. I suppose that this blog post is just a complaint soaked internet page. But then and again, I think it really does do me good to write out my feelings- so maybe one complaint soaked internet page will ensure that there will be less complaint soaked internet pages in the future. And maybe that makes my title make sense in a weird way:

Perhaps I have to keep taking deep breaths and calm myself down. Or maybe its that I have to accept the stress that I've got and work through it. You know, how Taylor Swift can't breathe without her man, but she has to? Heh heh, yeah...

Anyhow, have a good night, and wish us luck on filming tomorrow!

-Tina