The Car Crash of the Century

This post title is not a metaphor.

Hospital Flowers actually applies to me quite well right now, aside from the fact that I didn't go to the hospital and I didn't receive violets filling my room as recompense for the dreadful accident (which would have been nice, I must say).

The story? It was raining very hard, the road was extremely slick, I was in a van with not-so-good tires going along the highway at 55 miles per hour. When the wheel in my hands started to slip wrong ways, I started to worry, but I wrestled it back where it was supposed to be and thought I was okay and only worried that the guys following me would think I looked like I was drunk. (stupid? yes. but that was how I was weaving)

I wasn't okay. The wheels hadn't successfully rebelled, and they were determined to-- so they tried again and succeeded. Maybe I'd overcompensated for the first time I started losing control, or maybe I was going too fast, but in any case, the van whipped around more than 180 degrees and I crashed into the guard rail of the highway and slid down the embankment.

My heart was in my mouth. I thought I was going to die. All I could do as I spun around in what couldn't have been more than ten seconds was try to hold onto the wheel and pray as hard as I could that I didn't hit anyone. The worst possible thing that could happen was me killing someone or severely injuring them in a car accident.

Everything seemed to start again once the car stopped. While I was spinning, it was like time slowed down, because I can remember exactly what I was thinking in those ten seconds, but I can only vaguely remember the details of what happened afterward.

The guys following me pulled off the highway and got me out of the car and sent me to sit in their car, out of the rain, and I tried calling my family members. They didn't pick up at first, but I managed to contact them, especially my dad. My sister even drove out to the accident and gave me a much-needed hug, even though everything was pretty much over by the time she got there.

Firemen and a policewoman came within fifteen minutes of the accident and helped us so much. They were so kind. The firemen even managed to drive the van down the embankment and through a fence gate onto a side street so that we didn't have to pay to get a tow. Thank you Lord!

The policewoman brought me to her patrol car so that we could fill out an accident report. It wasn't until I sat down in the too-little-legroom back seat that I realized I was trembling on the inside; maybe on the outside, too. She was so helpful and good and we filled out the report together really nicely. She didn't put any points on my driving record, but reminded me to check the vehicle condition and take note of driving conditions so that I could drive accordingly. Yes ma'am!

The van still worked to drive, and we actually ended up driving it to our destination, along with the rest of the boys in the other car. One of the guys drove the van for me because I just couldn't do it right then. You know how you can shirk away from some kinds of food if you've just thrown them up from being sick? That's how it was with me.

Our destination was our filming location, actually, and we ended up filming regardless of the accident-- just picked ourselves up and kept going. It was hard, but something good came out of the accident, like in Hospital Flowers. I'd been tense about the filming, about everything going well, and the accident reminded me that I am not perfect. I'm not going to be perfect. I've messed up, and I'm very sure I'll do so again, but that's okay.

Realizing that we're not perfect allows us to move on through our mistakes and make the best of problems, and to give it all to God-- it even allows us to be cheerful about the bad parts of life. If we're stuck in thinking everything HAS to be perfect, when things aren't (as they inevitably will be), then we'll seize up when mistakes happen, or be so stressed about the possibility of bad things happening that we'll freeze and not be able to function.

So even though I felt so cool driving this enormous van in the rain (as I did), on top of the world, I messed up and got knocked off my high horse. And because of that realization of imperfection, I learned some humility and was able to be flexible during filming and be joyful through the times we messed up and try again, and to be okay if things weren't just so, at least most of the time.

Filming went better because of the car crash of the century. Maybe that was my roomful of violets. :)

-Tina