Mess of Me

People in film are notorious for being unable to keep up relationships, to hold families together-- to even date for extended periods of time. Ever thought about why?

Most [Christian] people would say it's because they don't know God, and that's why the relationship doesn't stick. Legit answer, that, I'll give you; but it's not entirely right.

It's the mindset rather than the method that's messed up here. Do any of you (quite honestly) know how many hours a filmmaker spends working on a production each day? Give me a guess. Eight? Ten? Twelve?

It's higher. The average is 15+ hours of work on the set.

That is insane. That barely allows time for SLEEP, much less family and relationships.

Filmmakers have deadlines, and they work like crazy before production, during, and after. Then they start a new production.

Their life is their work. Relationships require effort to work out, and they can't give them that.

Actors have it similarly, though not as bad. When working on a film, they're putting in long days too, and their contracts often require them to go in to re-film certain scenes after the movie is over, or to record voice-overs. It's a long process; really long.

This mindset of work as all important is a big mess. It's a misplacement of priorities and I'm out to change it. Lord, show us what MATTERS!

-Tina

We caught onto something...

In that song, Taylor Swift starts off singing, "Once upon a time...", and that's what I'm going to say to you.

Once upon a time,

I believe it was a Sunday night when I was trying

to avoid my homework

was looking on the line

saw a cool commercial for a show I thought I'd like

thought you'd want to see it too cause we

want to avoid the crap that's always on tv

maybe catch on to something

I hold on to the night

October 23rd, at eight-oh EST,

oh oh...

Check it out!

Bring Your Kingdom

Here I am, world, in California at last! I'm all moved into my room, which I share with a wonderful girl named Carol. My parents came to drop me off/help move me in, but though they're here in California until Tuesday, they said good-bye today. (they're staying with my brother-in-law's family, who, along with him, live in town)

It's surreal, and emotional, and hard. Right now I'm listening to Owl City for the first time in my bedroom, and it feels so strange and, call me silly, almost inaugural. It's a foreshadowing of what's going to come, that many nights I might be doing the same thing; typing away at my computer and listening to music. Weird.

We had some really inspiring speeches by members of the faculty and staff (is that redundant?) of the school yesterday. It was good to remember that my focus at this school has to be Christ first, and then everything else will fall into place. Our society in the U.S. is so complacent. We're living in a world filled with muck and dung and we're ignoring it. The worst of us are even pretending to enjoy it, but that doesn't fulfill in the end, and they'll realize that.

Us film people at my school are going to be the ones jumping on the laps of all of these complacent people, and shouting in their faces to MAKE THEM LISTEN. We won't shut up; we won't ever shut up. People don't listen anymore. They don't want to hear the problems, about the pain, about the fact that babies are being killed every day and that there are 20 million people still slaves (literal slaves) in this world. They've got to hear it, though. We can't make a change by ourselves. We're meant to go out and get help.

I know a lot of people believe that the world is going to hell in a handbasket and that there's no hope for it. They write off the majority of humanity, our government, the media, and seem to think that if all that burned to the ground and we had room to start over, that would be the best way to change the world. To recreate it.

Maybe that would be easier. Maybe. Maybe it would be easier just to be good and follow God faithfully and just naysay that problems in the world. Probably. Yet that's not what I plan to do, nor what I think the rest of the world should do. We've got one world, and our goal should be to bring it to Christ. Not just to change it, for better or for worse. To bring it to Christ, to change hearts toward Him. To show the world that only Christ truly fulfills that gnawing gap inside everyone. To be missionaries in the world so that Christ can bring His kingdom.

I'm not saying that Christ couldn't do it without us, but He's not going to do it in the lives of people who don't love Him, don't care about Him, or flat-out reject Him. I want the world to know the love of Christ. I'm not going to write off the most sinful creatures humanity has to offer. I want to be an instrument of Christ, to be a part of His plan for the redemption of humanity.

Bring Your Kingdom, Lord!

-Tina

p.s., I'm going to be posting a lot more now that I'm in college to keep people updated on my life. Stay tuned! :)

Be thankful for what precious locks you have!

Starting with "Rugs From Me to You" by Owl City is appropriately fun for talking about my interesting customers at Panera Bread. I got the job, and I work there now!

The first interesting ones were from a group of seniors. The lady in charge drafted me into setting up a row of tables--"ten come sometimes, but twelve other times...let's just set up for twelve..."

So I did, chatting with her all the while as I looked at a bag of things they (presumably) were planning to use-- "we go up and down this street every Monday night!"-- I thought it sounded like fun. They sure seemed to be having a ball! We must've had twelve seniors in that row of tables lined up between a booth and a set of chairs. As I told my coworker, "They're the old people who do aging right and make us jealous." Mmhm. I loved them.

Then there was an excellent old man who leaned his arms on the glass above me as I pulled out pastries to restock our pastry display plates--

"You got a lot of pastries down there?"

"Yep, just restocking them!"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Going to college soon, then?"

"Yeah, in September. My college starts late and ends late."

"Where are you going?"

"California--"

"Oh!"

"--for film school. I'm going to learn to write for movies." (smiling)

"How long does that take, then?"

"Four years to get a bachelors degree-- unless I decide to get my masters degree. Who knows?"

The man smiles at me conspiratorially, like an old crony, "I got my masters degree."

"Wow, really?"

"Even beyond that! Don't I look it?" There's a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh, of course!" There's a twinkle in my eye.

"Now," Getting down to business now, "I want you to pick out the best pecan roll for me."

"All right!"

"Make sure you choose right, now! I'm taking it with me to go. Do you like them?"

"Yes, I do. They're one of my favorite pastries. So sticky and gooey and delicious!"

"My mom used to make them for me."

So I got him his roll (the very best one) and gave it to him in a bag with a napkin, fork, and knife. He was so cool. I liked how he took the time to talk with me.

THEN TODAY I met a woman named Carrie who decided that she wanted a chocolate chip cookie along with her pick-up order-- "You can sprinkle some fertility pills on that cookie for me!" (me: ....)--she's on the phone, so whoever's on the other line asks a question-- "yeah, just told her she can put some fertility pills on my cookie so I can have a baby!"

I wanted to tell her I would pray for her, and that was better, but you know-- sometimes I think it's better if you resolve to do it and don't say anything, especially when you're at work and it's not a Christian workplace. Praying for her, and I hope you'll pray too!

So those are my funny customers: bald, distinguished with several degrees, and wanting a baby! If I meet some more (and I'm sure I will!) I'll post about them, too!

-Tina

p.s., linking up with the draftless challenge over at Dramatic Elegance. :)

The One Who Lifts Us Up From the Grave

Friday favorites is something that I read over at Rachel Marie Martin's Blog-- Finding Joy.

I never thought I'd do one myself because I don't have amazing photography (like she does), and I figured I'd be too busy to grace the internet world with more than one post a week. Yet here I am, finding that I need to slow down and just realize what my favorite things are; just to stop and think and be thankful.

Burritos for dinner!

My mum makes really excellent burritos. These aren't them (I borrowed the picture off the internet), but they look very like these. They have a really delicious chili-tomato sauce in them, pinto beans, sour cream, cheddar cheese, and lettuce. She's making them for dinner tonight and I'm excited, because they're generally a birthday treat and it's not even anyone's birthday!

Google Chrome

I was once a hardcore Internet Explorer user. Then I discovered that the only reason I use it is out of habit and because it's conveniently pinned to my taskbar! Fie upon thee, Internet Explorer! I have unpinned you from my taskbar and put Google Chrome in your place (a browser, which, unlike you, saves posts if you accidentally hit the forward or backward button on your browser :) )

BBC Merlin

As I've said before, the BBC is excellent at putting out quality TV programs that have storyline, plot *coughunlikeUStelevisioncough*, and DON'T have that nasty gunk in it, such as sexuality and crude language. Sometimes it makes me think, sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry. All in all, good things for a TV show to do for you.

Really great coworkers

That you can talk to about books, movies, things that you like. Coworkers you can joke with. I never thought I'd find a kindred spirit at work, but I think I've come close.

GOD.

God is beautiful and wonderful. I feel so overwhelmed by life. At work, I struggle to please my managers and go fast, and when they call me out on going too slowly, I carry that with me and feel awful, and even start to beat myself up about it.

Then I remember: my worth does not come from how well I do at work, or how thorough or quick I am, but from God's love for me: and that's HUGE. Nothing I can ever do can take that away. Nothing.

Link up over at Finding Joy!

-Tina

I would walk a thousand miles if I could just see you.

People can say that they want something a million times and act perfectly serious about it, and you think nothing of it. But if they keep saying that they want something, you remember it and wait to see what they'll do about it. If they don't do anything to back up their words, then you think they're being cheap-- that they don't have their money where their mouth is. They've said they want something, but they're not taking action to achieve it.

Action makes words solid. It's the thing that shows that you're actually serious about something, about following up desires and making them happen.

If you love someone, you can tell them, "I would walk a thousand miles if I could just see you." But those are just words. The real test of love is when you actually walk those thousand miles and they realize how much you love them, that you love them enough to walk the thousand miles.

Action is more than just showing someone that you were serious. When a person says, "I want to be a star basketball player," that's all well and good, but until they begin working at becoming a basketball player--practicing and working out and taking lessons from an experienced coach-- they're not going to become a star basketball player. They won't even have a chance. The practice not only shows people that they were serious about their dream, it makes the dream come closer to a reality.

Heaven is like this, I've realized. You're only going to get to Heaven if you want to be there. God's not going to force you in, kicking and screaming, if you don't want to be there at all. Yet you have to do more than just have a vague desire not to go to Hell, or even a vague desire that you'd like to be in Heaven and be happy with God. You have to put your money where your mouth is. You've got to act like you want to go to Heaven. You've got to love God in everything you do and apologize when you mess up and love others and keep desiring to be with him, heart and soul, mind and body.

Put your money where your mouth is. Eternity is not something to be wishy-washy about; you can't be on the fence. Decide where you're going to go, and go beyond. Live out your decision in your actions. Your soul's destination depends on it.

-Tina

The Car Crash of the Century

This post title is not a metaphor.

Hospital Flowers actually applies to me quite well right now, aside from the fact that I didn't go to the hospital and I didn't receive violets filling my room as recompense for the dreadful accident (which would have been nice, I must say).

The story? It was raining very hard, the road was extremely slick, I was in a van with not-so-good tires going along the highway at 55 miles per hour. When the wheel in my hands started to slip wrong ways, I started to worry, but I wrestled it back where it was supposed to be and thought I was okay and only worried that the guys following me would think I looked like I was drunk. (stupid? yes. but that was how I was weaving)

I wasn't okay. The wheels hadn't successfully rebelled, and they were determined to-- so they tried again and succeeded. Maybe I'd overcompensated for the first time I started losing control, or maybe I was going too fast, but in any case, the van whipped around more than 180 degrees and I crashed into the guard rail of the highway and slid down the embankment.

My heart was in my mouth. I thought I was going to die. All I could do as I spun around in what couldn't have been more than ten seconds was try to hold onto the wheel and pray as hard as I could that I didn't hit anyone. The worst possible thing that could happen was me killing someone or severely injuring them in a car accident.

Everything seemed to start again once the car stopped. While I was spinning, it was like time slowed down, because I can remember exactly what I was thinking in those ten seconds, but I can only vaguely remember the details of what happened afterward.

The guys following me pulled off the highway and got me out of the car and sent me to sit in their car, out of the rain, and I tried calling my family members. They didn't pick up at first, but I managed to contact them, especially my dad. My sister even drove out to the accident and gave me a much-needed hug, even though everything was pretty much over by the time she got there.

Firemen and a policewoman came within fifteen minutes of the accident and helped us so much. They were so kind. The firemen even managed to drive the van down the embankment and through a fence gate onto a side street so that we didn't have to pay to get a tow. Thank you Lord!

The policewoman brought me to her patrol car so that we could fill out an accident report. It wasn't until I sat down in the too-little-legroom back seat that I realized I was trembling on the inside; maybe on the outside, too. She was so helpful and good and we filled out the report together really nicely. She didn't put any points on my driving record, but reminded me to check the vehicle condition and take note of driving conditions so that I could drive accordingly. Yes ma'am!

The van still worked to drive, and we actually ended up driving it to our destination, along with the rest of the boys in the other car. One of the guys drove the van for me because I just couldn't do it right then. You know how you can shirk away from some kinds of food if you've just thrown them up from being sick? That's how it was with me.

Our destination was our filming location, actually, and we ended up filming regardless of the accident-- just picked ourselves up and kept going. It was hard, but something good came out of the accident, like in Hospital Flowers. I'd been tense about the filming, about everything going well, and the accident reminded me that I am not perfect. I'm not going to be perfect. I've messed up, and I'm very sure I'll do so again, but that's okay.

Realizing that we're not perfect allows us to move on through our mistakes and make the best of problems, and to give it all to God-- it even allows us to be cheerful about the bad parts of life. If we're stuck in thinking everything HAS to be perfect, when things aren't (as they inevitably will be), then we'll seize up when mistakes happen, or be so stressed about the possibility of bad things happening that we'll freeze and not be able to function.

So even though I felt so cool driving this enormous van in the rain (as I did), on top of the world, I messed up and got knocked off my high horse. And because of that realization of imperfection, I learned some humility and was able to be flexible during filming and be joyful through the times we messed up and try again, and to be okay if things weren't just so, at least most of the time.

Filming went better because of the car crash of the century. Maybe that was my roomful of violets. :)

-Tina