I Can Feel I'm Fading

Right now I'm kind of sick. It's sad how often I'm sick when I actually post--not that I'm always sick, of course. It's just then that I only make time.

Making time is an interesting concept. I'm notoriously bad at prioritizing according to importance. For example, I'll go to hang out with my friend when I should be practicing piano for another hour. Now, I'm not saying that hanging out with friends is unimportant; just that piano is more important. Why? Well, my parents pay something like $50 for every piano lesson I take, (I could be overestimating slightly) and if I'm not working at my piano, I'm selling them short. Besides that, I promised my teacher that I would practice faithfully. So I've been selling her short by bumping practice down the priorities list, too.

Anyhow, making time fits in because I complain to myself at the end of the day that I didn't have time to practice piano--but that's not true. I didn't make time. I did fun things instead of what I really had to do, which was kind of incredibly lame. Fun things are awesome, don't get me wrong! It's just that I'll still have time to do them later on, and some things are more important right NOW.

The thing I'm really, super bad at making time for is prayer! I'm so, so lazy about it. I take a little prayer time in the morning, but mostly I'm half-asleep and I can't concentrate. And prayer is extremely necessary to my relationship with God. It's funny that I don't think about it more, but prayer is the equivalent of spending time with a really good friend and talking with them about things that bother you, or are important to you.

I've been selling God himself short. I've said, "Hey, yeah! I love you alot! Thanks for all the stuff! See ya!" I don't really talk to him. Isn't that LAME? What kind of a relationship is it with your friends if you never hang out or talk to them? To nurture a friendship, you HAVE to make time. If it's gonna stay alive, you sure as anyhing have to work at it. It's the same with God.

So I'm trying harder. Whenever I focus on God and love him with my whole heart and soul, everything clicks into place. With God, when you love him, through him you're able to love everyone you meet in the best way possible--cause you're doing it with and through God. Cool, huh?

All of the distractions in the world tear my heart away from God, and from prayer time. Right now, I'm ashamed to say that I would rather read a good book or hang out with friends than talk to God. Sure, it's only natural--but we're not called to be natural. We're called to be Supernatural.

BUT: I'm going to work at prayer time. I'm scheduling it in the day. I'm trying to kneel at my bedside in the morning. This relationship with God has my eternal fate resting on it, so I'm not going to push it aside. Even though all of the pretty things all around me are really distracting, I'm going to do my best to stay strong and not get distracted. At least, not permanently.

-Tina

Beautiful, beautiful books!

I love fairytales forever and ever and always.

Aren't they the marvelous-est? I just read a conglomeration of fairytale stories all smashed into one book: Out of the Wild. It was great. It gave me that lovely, happy, sweet-but-not-too-sugary ending that made me all the more pleased because of all the side-trips we had to take to get there.

I'm now getting back into a happy mood. I was in a very happy mood because I finished the book in one sitting and felt like bouncing off the walls for glee! But then I remembered that my government is an idiot and cut off the power to my library system. Not exactly, actually, but pretty close.

See, I live in one county with a certain library system. Five minutes away from me is another library that uses another system. Until four months ago, the systems worked together in harmony. Holds were interchanged from library to library, and all was well. Then BAM! The stupid government had to cut library founding and discourage hold companionship and now I'm all screwed over because the two systems are no longer working together.

Isn't that stupid? It makes me mad, especially because "my" system (HA!) that I've never used before is not as big as the old system and doesn't have Merlin Season 1! It makes me so angry! I'm so angry with the stupid library cutting funding idiot government legislation. Man, I'm glad we're getting a new governor. I hope he/she fixes it.

Anyhow, I'm partially consoled by my marvelous book. Do read it! I met a poor unfortunate girl at the library tonight who complained of having nothing to read, so we chatted. Her tastes are vampires, werewolves, and romance. Sound familiar? Poor, disillusioned Twilight junkie. I directed her towards some cool books that have a similar, fantasy/science fictiony/weird-y feel but are so much better. I really hope that she tries them! She recommended James Patterson to me.

Have any of you read his teen lit? Give me a shout if you have!

Lost in books and marvelous fairytales, forgetting the terrors of government legislation for a moment or two,

Tina

I need your hurt, I need your pain,

It's not love any other way.

This post is to explain my new blog title and show you something that has really struck me lately.

God died for us.

Yes, you know this. But think about it. He was God. He could have redeemed us from our sins by twitching his little finger. Yes, yes, I know, all of the covenant and sacrifice stuff was how God related with his people. But he didn't have to do it so painfully. He could have just twitched, you know? He didn't, though.

I mentioned about how God related with his people. Suffering, both in penance by men and through sacrifice of animals, was how one drew closer to God. It still is. When we're stripped away from all of our earthly pleasures and loves, we draw closer to God. Not to say that we can't love anyone, but it makes you think.

What also makes you think is the statement that God chose to make by dying on the cross. He showed us suffering to the umpteenth level. He DIED for us. Died. In dying, he redeemed us from our sins. This shows me that God loves me to a level that I can't even comprehend. It also shows me that he was telling us that in our great loves, we were going to hurt.

Every great love involves hurt. I'm still learning about this, but think about it. Even if you find "the one", you'll get your heart wrung some. Break-ups happen to the best of people. Even in simply loving someone, you can get hurt when they eventually die. Pain is a fact of life and a fact of love. Does this mean we cage up and keep from loving? Of course not!

Check out the cross, ladies and gentlemen. Christ died for us. He endured the hurt. He gave us his pain. It wouldn't have been love any other way.

-Tina