Speaking ill of the Dead

You've probably all heard it, whether it was in real life, the movies, or on tv. "Don't speak ill of the dead!"

People are reluctant to talk badly of someone when they've died, because, naturally, they can't defend themselves. They're dead.

But what if the person was a jerk? What if they were totally awful during their life? I feel as though people only say nice things about them once they're dead. It seems hypocritical. They were ready to speak their mind about them when they were alive. Must they load on this fake complimentery or imagined praise on the person when they are dead?

It's a difficult subject. What do you say? That you're alright that they died, cause they're in heaven now? They were awful! How do you say that? Then, it doesn't seem right to say, "Yeah, they're burning in Hell now. Good riddance." People would brand you as callous forever.

The best thing I can think to do is to just keep silent. Lying isn't worth it, even to honor the dead. Be truthful in all things. That doesn't mean say EXACTLY what is on your mind; just to know when to speak and when not to.

Will this be perfect? Will this suffice? Who knows? It's my best solution, but things like this are tricky.

AND: I know this is a really, really weird subject to write about on Christmas, but the thought occurred to me after we ate dinner. I may bring it up again.

Just to end the post on a good note, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

An Adventure!

"What? An adventure? Surely you jest!"

"Surely I don't!"

"But an adventure can't happen in our day and age!"

"Want to put money on that?"

It's true. I went on an adventure last weekend.

It was my first car trip all by my self-- and sheesh, I went 200 miles away from home? The destination?

chicago!

Yeah, man! I'm absolutely crazy, because you know what I did? I drove two-hundred miles to go see a movie with people that I have NEVER met in my LIFE!

I knew them in a way. I met them through a site called NarniaWeb, an awesome Narnia Movie News site and Discussion Forum that is the cleanest and most fun forum I've EVER been on. Seriously-- the people there are so nice! I know it's really hard to trust people on the internet, and most people would think I was nuts (and you're probably thinking it right now) that I voluntarily went (alone) to meet them in a strange city, but I did it anyways.

A little history, to clarify the extent of my nuttiness:

My parents, my sister, and I went to a "Lion" Party (play on "Line" party) for the Narnia movie Prince Caspian back in 2008. There we had arranged to meet a few NarniaWebbers (translation: people from NarniaWeb) and see the movie together and then go get lunch. It was a wonderful experience; the people were really nice and we had a really fun time discussing our lives, getting to know each other, and watching the movie.

Then, to make a long story short, we went with some different NarniaWebbers to a Lord of the Rings Movie Event in my city where a symphony played the movie score as the movie played on a big screen. My dad even asked them to stay at our house (which is typically considered NUTS) and it turned out great! The people were really, really nice, and I love them to pieces.

They came to a different Symphonic Event this past year, so basically, the stage was set for the lion party. Why? We had met many different NarniaWebbers on multiple occasions, and they were ALL great people. That gave me pretty good odds that people from the same site that had also seemed nice in their online persona would be good and nice and un-dangerous.

So I went! What an adventure! Even though we had had good odds before, would this time be the horror story?

No! Aside from getting lost twice on the way to Chicago, I had a perfectly marvelous time! All of the people there were really nice, especially the one who had organized the party. I single her out in particular because I was sitting next to her and got to actually talk to her for a while. It was really fun, too, that she had sisters that were my age! I'm hoping to see if I can get their e-mails or home addresses and be pen-pals with them; they were SUPER fun.

Well, that's my adventure! Crazy, wild, random, and totally awesome! You have to take risks to get places sometimes. I wasn't going in cold, but I never knew what would happen. Then and again, I was prepared, and not being stupid like getting in their car or going off alone with one of them from the group.

You always hear horror stories about web-stalkers, and I know that's true, but I've had some marvelous times with people I've met from online, and I'm very glad. :)

-Tina

So that I want to SCREAM

Anger is my achilles heel, my greatest weakness. Yeah, I don't hold grudges with people after I'm angry with them, but my anger burns bright and hot while I'm in the midst of a fiery passion.

How do I live with that? I get so angry that I yell and say hurtful things that I regret later. It takes a pretty good amount to fan my anger up into top-notch heat, but once it's there, It's hard to get rid of until I've done something completely stupid.

It wasn't until this week that I really learned how much of a weakness this is for me. It's like a cobra, hiding under my skin and striking when I least expect it, and the strike is so fast that I don't really realize what happened.

Why did the revelation come? I did something horrible out of anger this week, something I didn't think I could do, and it scared me. I scared myself, the night after I did the thing. I apologized, and I meant it; but the potential that I could do something that bad? Yeah, it was there.

When I went to confession this past Saturday, I was shaking in my boots with fear. I've heard that it takes courage to confess your sins, but I hadn't felt the need for that courage until recently. I felt ashamed of myself; ashamed to tell our parish priest of how horrible I had been.

Know what's strange, though? Men are not ashamed at all to sin and do the WRONG thing, but when they are faced with doing the right thing that is looked on as honorable, they are stricken with complete shame and embarrassment. I read that in a book, and it makes sense. Figure that one out, it's so strange and backwards.

It was this quote from the book I read that kept me going, strangely enough, and I made it into confession and confessed my sins. The best thing was, God came through. You know, He promises to do that, and I say I believe Him, but most of the time I'm trusting blindly and hoping that it'll remain true this time-- not really knowing. Each time He does come through, it makes me glad that I took the step of faith and trusted.

I feel so much more clean now. I do understand why Protestants think it'd be weird to confess your sins to someone else, but mostly I think that's because of shame. In going to confession, I'm not letting that hold me down. In 1 Peter, Peter told the early Christians to confess their sins to one another. I'm doing that, and you know what? I learned this week that it can be REALLY scary. Then and again, I learned that It's so GOOD as well.

Cause I didn't tell you that it lifted a huge burden off my soul to know that right there, right then, God forgave me. He wiped my soul clean and incinerated the cloth He wiped it with.

As for my anger, I'm not exactly sure what to do with it. I want to scream about it sometimes, I'm so frustrated; but I'm taking it to God in prayer. He'll know what to do. I'll try to calm down, to breathe, to love others like God would-- and your prayers would be wonderful as well.

Love you all!

-Tina

College? Meeehhh....

I always heard that filling out applications STINKS. Now I KNOW that it stinks.

Why does college have to be so hard to actually get in to? I don't mean getting accepted. I mean actually filling out the applications to give me a chance at being accepted.

Two of the three colleges to which I'm applying have a ridiculously large amount of STUFF to do before I can send everything in with my application. Yes. It's really, really, annoying.

Right now I'm just trying to live loosely yet strictly-- I mean, not to be tense about getting my apps done by a week from tomorrow, but to work hard on them just the same. You can probably tell from my writing style right now that I'm in a STRANGE mood.

Anyhoo, here are some graphics for you to enjoy while I breathe and try not to rip my hair out:




1-2, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
3, Prince Caspian
4, A treat! One of my Senior pictures!

Comments are lovely;
Credit is necessary. (Credit Broken Love)
NO Hyperlinking!

-Tina

Check it out! Check it out-Check it out-Check it out!

^Inspired by the check-it-out girls sketch on Sonny With a Change. :D



Guess what? Something that I made is being sold online! Hurray! And you (yes you!) can buy it for a great price of $5.20-- and that includes shipping.



Here is the item: A cute red flowered headband. I love these, and they are so fashionable right now. Even if they weren't, I'd love them!





The awesomest part about this whole venture is that it doesn't profit ME: it profits an independent student film called The Shadow of the Bear.


See, they don't have enough money to buy an editing program, so we, the fans of the movie, aRE stepping up to make some money for the film!


How are we selling everything? They have an Artfire Site where you can purchase lots of cool crafty things like my headband! There's scarves, earrings, hair accessories, and even a bar of soap!


I totally encourage you to go there. It's for an awesome cause. If you even just bought something for $5.00, it would really help. So do it!


The page for my flower is right here.


Thanks, everyone!

-Tina

I'm the kind of girl...

who dances as she weed-whips her grandma's lawn.

who sings as loud as she possibly can while working.

who makes up new lyrics for songs if they don't fit what she wants to say.

who will burst out laughing about five minutes after someone tells a joke because she didn't get it until then.

who cries really easily because she's passionate about alot.

who tries to stand up for what she believes in.

who is struggling to love others and live well.

I'm just that girl who doesn't act like she cares about anything, but thinks about what people say to the 20th degree. The girl who doesn't think about what she's said until after she's said it. The girl that wants to be fulfilled-- and forgets that Jesus is the one who can do it.

Still struggling to live well and do what God wants. Not anywhere close to perfect. Hopefully getting better.

That's just me.

-Tina

Applause for the awesome chivalrous knight!

“Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry Is never past; so long as there is a wrong left underexposed on earth” -Charlies Kingsley

I LOVE IT WHEN GUYS ARE AWESOME!

It's so rare to have a guy open a door for you, or offer you his seat. It's even more rare to have a guy do it for you that you don't know.

I don't know about you, but I love chivalrous men. It rocks my world when they step up and decide to be selfless for a girl rather than selfish. There aren't many of these guys that exist anymore. I mean, the whole idea of the culture seems to shout "ME! ME!", and so people aren't letting others go first and all that.

I was waiting for the bus yesterday to get home from college classes. It was around three pm, and there were ALOT of people waiting. Everyone was crowded together, and we got even closer (literally) as the bus rounded the corner and came down the hill. With that many people, I'm sure that people were wondering if they would all fit on the bus. The next bus would take fifteen entire minutes to get there after this bus left, and no one wanted to be left behind. I'm positive that being unselfish was on very few of the minds there. It wasn't exactly on the forefront of MY mind.

As the bus slowed down and squealed to a stop, I began to wonder why the guys in the crowd didn't let the ladies go first. Why, on the bus, they let the ladies stand up and sat in the seats themselves. It made me very depressed about the quality of our men.

Anyhow, we jostled along in line, and RIGHT before I was going to get on the bus (I was literally the next person), the bus driver said, "That's enough. We're full now."

I was crestfallen. How lame was that? To get so far and then....

But I couldn't complete my thought because, right in front of me, the last person cleared to be on the bus (a guy), turned and said to me, "You can take my seat. I'll wait for the next bus."


Whoa. That was a big deal. I was so, so thankful to this awesome gentleman. He got off the bus, but just as I was about to get on, the bus driver shut the door.

Lame ending for my fairytale with a chivalrous knight? Not so much. Cause while the bus roared away and neither of us got to take it, I was really touched by the fact that the guy had offered his place to me. His heart and manners were in the right place.

I thanked him and, while we waited, struck up a conversation with him. His name is Joe, and he's a music student.

Applause for Joe and chivalry! He made my day! Plus we had a great talk on a bus ride that would usually be boring and anti-social. :)

-Tina

Hats and Cuties!

Don't you love littl'uns? I don't appreciate them enough. Then I have a sweet, fun moment with my niece or nephew and I feel all gooey and loving inside.

I know a girl who doesn't like kids. But can you see a sweet smile like that and not melt? I pity the person that can. Sure, they can be holy terrors, but my niece and nephew are my holy terrors! And sometimes they can be cute and fun. Sophia (2 and a half) and I had a jolly time with my hat yesterday.

Wyatt (Sophia's older brother) is five, and he can be capitally awful. But he can also be perfectly debonaire! He hates to see me cry. I was talking about some rough issues with my sister the other day and started crying cause I'm emotional. He was over to me in an instant, wondering what was wrong. Even though I reassured him that I was okay, he took it upon himself to cheer me up and would not stop singing and dancing until I stopped crying. Even then he was still worried! :)

Even though I don't like my nieces and nephew alot of the time, I always love them.

-Tina

I Can Feel I'm Fading

Right now I'm kind of sick. It's sad how often I'm sick when I actually post--not that I'm always sick, of course. It's just then that I only make time.

Making time is an interesting concept. I'm notoriously bad at prioritizing according to importance. For example, I'll go to hang out with my friend when I should be practicing piano for another hour. Now, I'm not saying that hanging out with friends is unimportant; just that piano is more important. Why? Well, my parents pay something like $50 for every piano lesson I take, (I could be overestimating slightly) and if I'm not working at my piano, I'm selling them short. Besides that, I promised my teacher that I would practice faithfully. So I've been selling her short by bumping practice down the priorities list, too.

Anyhow, making time fits in because I complain to myself at the end of the day that I didn't have time to practice piano--but that's not true. I didn't make time. I did fun things instead of what I really had to do, which was kind of incredibly lame. Fun things are awesome, don't get me wrong! It's just that I'll still have time to do them later on, and some things are more important right NOW.

The thing I'm really, super bad at making time for is prayer! I'm so, so lazy about it. I take a little prayer time in the morning, but mostly I'm half-asleep and I can't concentrate. And prayer is extremely necessary to my relationship with God. It's funny that I don't think about it more, but prayer is the equivalent of spending time with a really good friend and talking with them about things that bother you, or are important to you.

I've been selling God himself short. I've said, "Hey, yeah! I love you alot! Thanks for all the stuff! See ya!" I don't really talk to him. Isn't that LAME? What kind of a relationship is it with your friends if you never hang out or talk to them? To nurture a friendship, you HAVE to make time. If it's gonna stay alive, you sure as anyhing have to work at it. It's the same with God.

So I'm trying harder. Whenever I focus on God and love him with my whole heart and soul, everything clicks into place. With God, when you love him, through him you're able to love everyone you meet in the best way possible--cause you're doing it with and through God. Cool, huh?

All of the distractions in the world tear my heart away from God, and from prayer time. Right now, I'm ashamed to say that I would rather read a good book or hang out with friends than talk to God. Sure, it's only natural--but we're not called to be natural. We're called to be Supernatural.

BUT: I'm going to work at prayer time. I'm scheduling it in the day. I'm trying to kneel at my bedside in the morning. This relationship with God has my eternal fate resting on it, so I'm not going to push it aside. Even though all of the pretty things all around me are really distracting, I'm going to do my best to stay strong and not get distracted. At least, not permanently.

-Tina

Beautiful, beautiful books!

I love fairytales forever and ever and always.

Aren't they the marvelous-est? I just read a conglomeration of fairytale stories all smashed into one book: Out of the Wild. It was great. It gave me that lovely, happy, sweet-but-not-too-sugary ending that made me all the more pleased because of all the side-trips we had to take to get there.

I'm now getting back into a happy mood. I was in a very happy mood because I finished the book in one sitting and felt like bouncing off the walls for glee! But then I remembered that my government is an idiot and cut off the power to my library system. Not exactly, actually, but pretty close.

See, I live in one county with a certain library system. Five minutes away from me is another library that uses another system. Until four months ago, the systems worked together in harmony. Holds were interchanged from library to library, and all was well. Then BAM! The stupid government had to cut library founding and discourage hold companionship and now I'm all screwed over because the two systems are no longer working together.

Isn't that stupid? It makes me mad, especially because "my" system (HA!) that I've never used before is not as big as the old system and doesn't have Merlin Season 1! It makes me so angry! I'm so angry with the stupid library cutting funding idiot government legislation. Man, I'm glad we're getting a new governor. I hope he/she fixes it.

Anyhow, I'm partially consoled by my marvelous book. Do read it! I met a poor unfortunate girl at the library tonight who complained of having nothing to read, so we chatted. Her tastes are vampires, werewolves, and romance. Sound familiar? Poor, disillusioned Twilight junkie. I directed her towards some cool books that have a similar, fantasy/science fictiony/weird-y feel but are so much better. I really hope that she tries them! She recommended James Patterson to me.

Have any of you read his teen lit? Give me a shout if you have!

Lost in books and marvelous fairytales, forgetting the terrors of government legislation for a moment or two,

Tina

I need your hurt, I need your pain,

It's not love any other way.

This post is to explain my new blog title and show you something that has really struck me lately.

God died for us.

Yes, you know this. But think about it. He was God. He could have redeemed us from our sins by twitching his little finger. Yes, yes, I know, all of the covenant and sacrifice stuff was how God related with his people. But he didn't have to do it so painfully. He could have just twitched, you know? He didn't, though.

I mentioned about how God related with his people. Suffering, both in penance by men and through sacrifice of animals, was how one drew closer to God. It still is. When we're stripped away from all of our earthly pleasures and loves, we draw closer to God. Not to say that we can't love anyone, but it makes you think.

What also makes you think is the statement that God chose to make by dying on the cross. He showed us suffering to the umpteenth level. He DIED for us. Died. In dying, he redeemed us from our sins. This shows me that God loves me to a level that I can't even comprehend. It also shows me that he was telling us that in our great loves, we were going to hurt.

Every great love involves hurt. I'm still learning about this, but think about it. Even if you find "the one", you'll get your heart wrung some. Break-ups happen to the best of people. Even in simply loving someone, you can get hurt when they eventually die. Pain is a fact of life and a fact of love. Does this mean we cage up and keep from loving? Of course not!

Check out the cross, ladies and gentlemen. Christ died for us. He endured the hurt. He gave us his pain. It wouldn't have been love any other way.

-Tina

All things in moderation?

Temperance is a funny thing. I've been working at balance in my life, and I seem to suffer from having too much of one thing and not enough of others. For example, I spend a whole lotta time on a really great site called NarniaWeb. The site is amazing. The five hours I spend there instead of doing other things is not.

I do love to do useful things. I know that sounds incredibly boring, but bear with me. I love the feeling at the end of the day when you look back and see that you really helped your mom with the housework, or finished some bit of schoolwork, or got writing done (if you're a writer, like me). That feeling is just one of satisfaction. For me, I go: "I actually didn't waste my day today! I did stuff that mattered, that change the way I'll be living tomorrow and in the future!" I don't exactly think like that, but that's the feeling in words.

Unfortunately, one of the reasons that the feeling is special right now is because it doesn't happen all the time. One of my goals lately has been to live each day well. Not okay, not acceptable. Just really well. It's really hard. I do too much of stupid stuff and not enough of the important stuff. Sometimes I really fall flat on my face and then I think at night, before I go to bed, "What in the world was I thinking? I was an idiot!"

To go off on another tangent from the title, I wanted to talk about movie content. I want to be a screenwriter, like I've said before in other posts, and I've been thinking a lot about my mission in that and just movies in general.

I have kind of really high standards for movies. My sisters don't share many of my opinions. The sister just above me, in particular, asks me to watch movies a lot and I'll look up the movies online to see what the lowdown is, especially on pluggedin.com. Mostly, I'll decide against watching the movie because it looks like it has a lot of vulgarity in it. My sister makes the case that, if I want to be a screenwriter, I have to watch all kinds of movies, not just the ones I think I'll think.

This is a bit of an issue for me. I don't agree with her completely. I mean, I can see that watching movies and listening to scripts can help you understand how to write them, but what if this movie is very lewd? What if the mindset of the characters towards pre-marital sex is very casual?

I don't know about you guys, but I have a very difficult time with sexuality in movies. It's a very big occasion of sin for me, and I know it. So do I go in to watch the movie, knowing what's there and knowing that it could lead me into sin? My stance is NO. I may not have watched the movie before, but if I know there's crap scattered all through the movie, I'm not gonna see it.

What do you all think, I wonder?

-Tina

All my wisdom...

Yanked out. Gone. Forever removed. Oh wait--was that supposed to be wisdom teeth? Ah, probably. Considering that I've been holding an icepack up to my face (20 minutes on, 20 minutes off) and my jaw is pretty numb.

This morning, I got drilled, yanked, and bloodied up. Also known as the experience of wisdom teeth removal. If you can avoid this, please do so. Not meaning be unhealthy or have pain--just if the dentist says you don't have to, don't. It was interesting, but I got something like 8 shots of anesthetic and I'm only just now recovering feeling in my chin and lower lip. And the appointment was at 10 am this morning.

That was just the bottom two teeth, thank goodness. The dentist said that my uppers hadn't erupted (poked through, I think) and they looked like if they did, it would be okay and not cause pain. So I just got two out, which was fine with me.

It was kind of really gross to see the aide using a little sucker tube to get all of the blood to come out of my mouth. I usually do okay around blood, so I was fine and didn't faint, but it was still gross. They drilled around the teeth and then pried them/yanked them out with pliers. Actually, they cut the gum first with a knife. Am I grossing you out? For some reason I'm in a weird mood and I find that funny. Sorry. :P

We did not get laughing gas (which has a weird scientific name that I don't remember) because my sister got it when she got her wisdom teeth out three weeks ago and it made her sick and depressed. Not cool. So I was lucid all through and am lucid and hopefully will remain lucid. I chatted with the dentists in little breaks between pulls. (that's kind of weird, now that I think of it) I'm just tired.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to go watch some more movies. I've been chillin with power rangers, BBC Robin Hood, and Pixar movies. I love that stuff. I hope you all are having smashing days!

-Tina

Break Open the Sky

School is almost over. I'm in my last week, the tail end of the fourth quarter. And man, does it stink.

I hate the feeling that you get when you're almost, almost to the end of something but you've got a huge mound of work to plow through in order to get there. It's like having a word at the tip of your tongue and not remembering it, so you can't spit it out. The feeling that you're almost there, but not quite.

The feeling frustrates me a great deal, especially when the big mound of stuff is compsoed of things that are really hard and that I don't feel particularly good at. For example, my school loves to give me writing projects. Make that 'adores'. They dish them into my lap directly at the end of the quarter and I feel overwhelmed, especially at the end of the last quarter.

I've currently got a final essay to do that I've only hesitatingly outlined (because it's difficult and I didn't know where to start), an American Literature test to finish that contains several short essays, and a History test with its own set of essays. After I finish that, my mom will be handing me papers back that I've already given her to check and I'll have to revise their red-inky messness.

Besides the pile-up of work, I feel....I feel stifled. I'm a perfectionist (unfortunately) and my last interpretive essay did not get as good of a grade as I thought it would. Isn't that the worst feeling? You think that you did great and it turns out that you were wrong. :(

I do have a substantial reason for wanting to be perfect, though: I'm going to apply for film school when I graduate and the universities I've been looking at are really, really tough to get into. 4.0 gradepoint is average there. That's what they look for when you try to get in. I really, really want to go to film school and I feel called to go there, but I get really nervous when I don't get as good grades as I'd like.

Furthermore, I'm taking the SAT this saturday. Yeah, exciting and joyous. :P I haven't been able to study as much as I should because of school and life and I'm scared that I'll fail it, or at least get a bad grade that will show up as miserable on college applications.

See the leading theme here? It's fear. Fear of failing, fear of not doing as well as I'd like to, fear of everything.

All of these fears about my schoolwork and tests are coming because I really want to get into a good college and pursue what I love and I'm scared that I won't be able to get there.

Funny thing is, it doesn't have to be like this, because here's the thing: If I'm meant to go to film school--if I'm truly and surely called to go there, I'll go. Plain and simple. I've been forgetting in every step that I've worried that God is in charge. If I mess up in school and skitter around in trying to follow his plan for me, do you think that worries him? Heck, no! He's God!

God can take care of me. I forget that all the time. He's the one in charge of my life, not me. He's the one in charge of my education. My future college. My grades. Everything. If I mess up in getting to one of the steps of his plan, he's not going to be messed up!

I have this mental image right now of God controlling everything, and when I make a mistake, he makes a little adjustment and BAM! Everything goes on smoothly. Just because I won't get to film school one way, that doesn't mean I won't get to film school at all. If I'm meant to go there, I'll go there. It's brings some song lyrics to mind:

He'll break open the sky
For those who cry out His name.
Throwing the wind and waves at bay,
He's strong enough to save you.

God is in control. He can do anything and bring you exactly where you need to go.

Isn't that ridiculously simple? I think so. And it's more than comforting for me. It's so hard not to worry, but I'm going to work hard, because not worrying doesn't mean not trying your best, and let the results stay in God's hands. Getting worked up and angry and upset is human, but it does nothing for me or for anyone.

I was getting really angry about my grades and how much time I had to study when I suddenly realized (or maybe God pointed it out :) ) that God is controlling every bit of my life. He loves me, He loves you, and He's certainly got everything arranged so that you'll go where you're meant to.

Now to go do schoolwork--and keep calm this time. :)

-Tina

Procrastination Station

I have absolutely no desire to start on my test for English. None at all. I would much rather write a blog post, so that's what I'm doing!

I suppose that the title really has a double meaning--I've been procrastinating on writing this blog for a good long while. It's been almost two and a half months since my last post! In that time I've taken leaps and bounds towards finishing my junior year of high school. Thank goodness! I'm trying to do two days of school per day so that I can finish even faster (this is easier because I finished math early).

Also in that time I've started following a wonderful blog: The Word Crafter. The blogger's name is Bekah and she's a really engaging writer. I love reading her posts and I look forward to them all the time :).

Another thing that's been happening in life is The Shadow of the Bear student film. Did I tell you that I do graphics for it? Right now we're working on making t-shirts to sell to all of the lovely fans. I can't show you the t-shirt, but I can show you a poster:

^^that's my favorite of the posters that I've done for the film. Check the site out! It's fun to get updates, and of course you'll get to see (and dare I say wear?) some of my lovely artwork. ;)

Speaking of artwork, I've been starting to make graphics a little more lately. I was inspired by looking over some of my old stuff. My favorite of my old work is this little wallpaper: am i already gone?

Now I've got to go do school. I hope you enjoy the post, and I'll try to get a little bit more substance in next time. :P

-Tina

How Would You Feel?

Something like a million kids in the world have lost one of their parents. A million more have probably come close.

I've never experienced anything like they have. Sure, I've had the worries about my mom when she's travelling alone, and the fears that my dad will die in a car accident while away on a business trip--but nothing solid. Nothing real.

The monday of this week, a teenager on my block lost his mom. He's named Dan. I haven't ever been real friends with Dan, or Danny as we used to call him. Our hanging out was just in a group of neighborhood kids where we'd play games like "Capture the Flag", "Around the House", and "Seven Steps". My family was never very close to his family. Tonight, though, we attended the wake for his mom because they are our neighbors.

Realization of how fragile life is hit me square in the face. You really don't realize it--the fact that every breath is so extremely special (if you do, I applaud you). The fact that you take life for granted every day, as its so normal.

I cannot imagine how Dan is feeling. Of course, I can remember some times, like when I lost my grandpa, that I felt extremely sad, but I'm sure that it doesn't compare. How must that feel--to lose your mom when you've only had her for eighteen years?

It just makes me value the family I have and the life I've got. I'm sure to forget, but for now I'm going to put every effort into appreciating how special and beautiful life is. My life, your life, any life. Human life in particular.

If you could pray for Dan, I would really appreciate it.

-Tina

You Called and You Shouted!

Isn't that what Lent is all about? God calling us?

I'm a Catholic and proud of it. As I get older, I've been trying to dive deeper into the meaning of what Lent actually is. When I was little I thought it was a torture device designed to torment young children by forcing them to give up stuff. Yeah, not really.

Lent in a sentence is basically denying ourselves material things in order to make ourselves remember to reach out to God.

People can get so caught up in every day life that they forget to talk to God. I usually don't reach out to God on a regular, through the day basis, and I'm guessing that most other people don't either. They reach out at specific times, like when they're in Church, or else when they're in trouble. Not usually when everything is going great.

The idea of Lent is to give up something that holds a regular pattern in their life so that, when they come to the point in their day when they would usually do/say/whatever the thing, they remember to talk to God, and probably ask him for his help in fasting. I'm fasting in between meals this year and I know that it helps me to remember.

HOWEVER: Many people seem to think that Lent is only about fasting- not so much about the reaching. I can get to a point where the fasting becomes regular and I forget to reach. That's not so good at ALL.

All throughout the Bible, God is calling for his people to return to justice and goodness-- to return to Him! He says so many times in the Bible that it is absolutely useless to offer Him sacrifices if they are not going to obey His law and show him their love.

I see fasting as the sacrifice. It's great-- but it's useless without the reaching, the striving to grow closer to God and gain purity of heart.

This Lent, I challenge you: don't just fast and forget about it. The whole point of this season is to grow closer to God through suffering (that's when we reach, right?). The fasting is pointless is you're not trying to love.

-Tina

Life in a Nutshell

Bonjour, mes copains! (Hello, my friends!)

Life lately. Does anyone every feel as though each day is so chock full of stuff that all of the time just flits away? Slips away, more like.

I've been feeling like that a whole lot in the past couple of weeks. I feel like my day consists of waking up, going to French class, practicing piano, and doing schoolwork. Ah yes, and going to sleep.

I feel as though my life is completely filled up by work. I know that saying that sounds like I'm exaggerating, but that's how I feel nonetheless. Some days I don't finish my school-work until around 9 at night. The days that I let myself do something fun in the evening (i.e. Youth Group, Go to a Play, the Library, etc.) I don't finish until around 11 PM. It's driving me insane. I feel as though I'm slogging through school and the only bright point is the weekends. Even those are sometimes filled with revising papers.

So what? So what do I do about this life where I don't have much/any time to call my own? I've tried reorganizing my priorities so that I get all of my school and piano practice done in the early bits of the day so that I have evenings to myself, but the fact of the matter is that there is too much work.

My main problem is not the work, however. It's the lack of play. Remember, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I guess I'm becoming something of a dull girl. How can I find the balance? I want to do something fun during my days, but I feel like I don't have time. How can I compromise- how can I know when to let some of my schoolwork go to do it the next day and set aside some time for myself.

I sure don't know. But that's my mind right now.

-Tina

BY THE WAY: The film festival was very fun. I didn't place, but I got an honorary award for "Best Screenplay" and it was neat to see my film up on the big screen. :) Here it is, for those who want to watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWcVcS06bLY

ZIP!

Right now is the time to write a super-quick post before bed!

I'm updating you on the status of my film and the film festival. I finished the film the day after I wrote the last post about it, and editing was finished roughly...lastthursday. I cut it pretty close because the film was due on friday. Yep, I was slow!

Anyhow, my film got accepted! It's to be shown along with other films at a local movie theatre. I wonder if it'll be shown on the big screen? Who knows. I'm hoping to have a marvelous time, and I'm very excited about the whole affair already.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but I hope that I place at least.

Goodnight!

-Tina

...and Alice Cameron, whose number is 634-4964. Then we have Richard Canon, whose phone number is 340-7893...

Confused about the title? Good. You're a pretty normal type of person.

However, our American Senate is not composed of normal-type people. Not in the "normal" sense that I'm using. They're pretty weird. In fact, the American Political system is so filled with loopholes and crannies and ways to get around the rules that were set up by the Founding Fathers that its pretty likely that a bunch of the predecessors of our nowaday politicians were just as nutsy.

Which brings us to filibustering! Do you know what that means? I didn't really until today. I'd heard about it before, but I didn't quite understand the significance. Let's check out the definition:

filibuster [(fil-uh-bus-tuhr)]

A strategy employed in the United States Senate, whereby a minority can delay a vote on proposed legislation by making long speeches or introducing irrelevant issues. A successful filibuster can force withdrawal of a bill. Filibusters can be ended only by cloture.

In case that dictionary-speak wasn't quite clear (and it often isn't to me), I'll explain further.

Filibustering is when a politician or groups of politicians do not want a bill to pass or a legislation to go through the senate, and to keep the bill from passing or the legislation from going through, a Senator yaks a good long while and stalls. As the U.S. Senate has a policy of allowing its senators unlimited speech on a subject while they have the floor, no one can stop them.

Ridiculous, right? My mom heard tell of a politician that read the telephone book to stall. The telephone book! Seriously.

The longest recorded instance of filibustering in American History is by Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina, when he filibustered for 24 hours and 18 minutes straight to keep a bill that prevented racial segregation from passing. That's pretty long, and to keep something good from happening. :(

There's a bright spot, though. In the definition above, the last sentence said that, "Filibusters can only be ended by cloture." Cloture is the bright spot. A Senator is allowed to call for a vote to reduce the time of the Senator who has the floor to one hour, and once the Cloture rule has been invoked the bill or legislation has to be resolved within 30 hours.

Unfortunately, Cloture can only be invoked fully if the vote the Senator calls for is passed by 60 votes, i.e. 3/5's of the Senate. Sad.

Confusing stuff, huh? Politics is like a tangled web. I've always thought that, in general, but I didn't realize that our system allowed Senators to get up and read out of a telephone book for something like 24 hours straight, just to get their way. It's sad.

Pray for our justice system and our political system; just our government in general!

Love,
Tina

Can't breathe...

Without you. But I have to.

Just thought I'd do a post title that was completely unrelated to the content of my post. 'Cause while I DO have "Breathe" by Taylor Swift stuck in my head, my mind is running more in the direction of filmmaking than of country music.

Today was the second day of filming for a movie that my friends and I are making. Believe you me, It was nuts. I went into the venture vowing not to become stressed because I was the director, and then, wouldn't you know it, I got stressed about trying not to be stressed about being the director. Seems as though I can't win, eh?

Perhaps a better plan would have been to accept that I would get stressed, but to have plans for dealing with it rather than trying frantically to keep it out of my head. We got alot done, though; only four scenes left to film.

The movie is called The Wishing Well, by the way. It's a little script that I wrote up, inspired by some great books by Edward Eager. I must admit, I had alot more fun writing the script than directing the movie. After the crazy, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ACTION!" day was finished and I was feeling about as tightly wound as a kite string, I wondered why exactly I didn't like directing as much as I thought I would. I think I've figured it out.

ONE: I was not merely directing. I was deciding who got recorded, and where every shot would be taken. I was being the cinematographer as well as the director. Cinematographer=add on extra work and stress.

TWO: I was recording the shots, being the camera woman as well as the director and cinematographer. Camera woman=add on more work and stress.

THREE: I was not only recording the shots. We only have one camera, and in order for the shots to look nice and have different shots per scene, we had to move the camera and often record the same scene again. And again. And again. So technically, I was a team of camera people. Team of camera people= add on lots more work and stress.

So what does that add up to? A grumpy Tina at the end of the day. I suppose that this blog post is just a complaint soaked internet page. But then and again, I think it really does do me good to write out my feelings- so maybe one complaint soaked internet page will ensure that there will be less complaint soaked internet pages in the future. And maybe that makes my title make sense in a weird way:

Perhaps I have to keep taking deep breaths and calm myself down. Or maybe its that I have to accept the stress that I've got and work through it. You know, how Taylor Swift can't breathe without her man, but she has to? Heh heh, yeah...

Anyhow, have a good night, and wish us luck on filming tomorrow!

-Tina