I was made to love.

That's why I was created. To love. To be loved. My purpose in life is to love my Creator.

Love takes many forms. It can be typical, like a kiss and a hug. It can be with words. It can be through service. But you know what? I think that every single action can be done with love. And if it is, then the action done fulfills the reason I was created.

I want to write with a spirit of love. To work hard on developing the talent God has given me and then, when people read what I've written, for them to come closer to God through it. Honestly, would that not be awesome? I can only imagine something like that happening with me.

I want to go to school and sit in the classroom and work hard with love in my heart. Not so that I'll look good. Not so that it's just finished already. Not so that I make my points and win all the arguments. Just with a heart that wants to love.

Every action done with love. I imagine the actions flowing out of me drenched with love.

Every single action. That's a LOT.

If I did it all the time, I'd be bone dry of all my love. And know what? I'd become bitter. Good thing I'm not using MY love, then! Not only! God is like a water pitcher! He fills me up. It's like I'm a hose and he's the pipes and then I can spray everyone whether they like it or not. ;)

This is not the reality of now. I'm not that proud, thank goodness. This is a goal. Oh, help, Lord. Help me get there.

-Tina

Same old Tired lonely Place

I was very cranky this afternoon.

Sometimes I get that way. I'm tired, or things haven't gone how I've wanted them to go, or I was frustrated by something. This afternoon the fire alarm went off when I was studying at college in my favorite place, so I had to leave it and study in a cramped hallway. Then in French class my teacher went off about how it was relative if people should be conformist or nonconformist and if either of them actually had a solid definition. Then I wasn't done with school or piano because I'd had to study in the morning for a Biology test.

The thing that began to lift me out of my crankiness was when I was complaining that I was cranky and I wanted a hug, and my nephew came over and snuggled his head into my chest.

It was so sweet. A little corner of my hurting, cranky heart began to feel better.

So what now? I've known forever that I'm extremely rigid. That when things don't go just my way, or a normal way, I get out of sorts. I've known forever that I should change. Now I wonder, if I change, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't get cranky because of these things. They would roll off my back, and I'd be able to smile through the rough parts.

That idea makes me smile. So I think I'll start trying to change. How? The best way I can think is to smile and stay happy and depending on God when the bad things happen. To consciously think, "I'm giving my studies to you, God. You'll help me get them done when they have to be done," when I get off track with schoolwork or am interrupted. To think, "Other people in the world think differently than me. Let me listen and take the good that I can from them, but depend on you for truth, God," when people are annoying and relative.

Then, you know what? Instead of being cranky and hating my night, I'll be able to say,

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone."