Turn around

"You don't have to take the broken road. You can turn around and come back home."

I've had the mentality that because I have started acting a certain way in a situation or relationship, I have to keep acting that way. I'm a writer, and I've drilled character consistency into my writing so hard that I've ended up drilling it into myself. Yet that's not how we're meant to be as humans, is it? We're meant to change, to grow. I embrace that growth if it's going to Mass more often or praying more regularly, but when it comes to living every day and changing how I act in relationships, I'm scared to change.

Honestly, will they think I'm weird if I pull back when I realize I've been flirting too much? When I've been grumpy? I get mired in my own muck and unconsciously tell myself that it's too bad for me to feel that way because once I've begun treating someone a certain way, I can't change.

Why should that stop me from changing anyways if it's RIGHT? It shouldn't. In theory, I'm willing to try this change, but in practice, I feel so weak.

Politicians probably feel like this a lot. When they make a mistake, it's held over them for their entire career, even if it happened decades ago. How is that fair? Humans are meant to change! Regardless of my hold-up with it, change for the better is to be encouraged, and it is definitely not impossible! If people don't believe that, people will never change for the better because they'll believe they can't.

You don't have to be stuck in a rut. You can turn around. You can change. And one of the ways that you can help others and yourself to do it too is to believe that you and they can.

-Tina

Mess of Me

People in film are notorious for being unable to keep up relationships, to hold families together-- to even date for extended periods of time. Ever thought about why?

Most [Christian] people would say it's because they don't know God, and that's why the relationship doesn't stick. Legit answer, that, I'll give you; but it's not entirely right.

It's the mindset rather than the method that's messed up here. Do any of you (quite honestly) know how many hours a filmmaker spends working on a production each day? Give me a guess. Eight? Ten? Twelve?

It's higher. The average is 15+ hours of work on the set.

That is insane. That barely allows time for SLEEP, much less family and relationships.

Filmmakers have deadlines, and they work like crazy before production, during, and after. Then they start a new production.

Their life is their work. Relationships require effort to work out, and they can't give them that.

Actors have it similarly, though not as bad. When working on a film, they're putting in long days too, and their contracts often require them to go in to re-film certain scenes after the movie is over, or to record voice-overs. It's a long process; really long.

This mindset of work as all important is a big mess. It's a misplacement of priorities and I'm out to change it. Lord, show us what MATTERS!

-Tina

Tell me again, was it love at first sight?

So, flirting.

Everyone seems to do it. It seems like just a fact of life, that every girl and guy does it to each other if there's even a little bit of attraction between them.

It's not considered "wrong", either. Not usually. Not if it's friendly flirting with people you know.

But just because something is not "wrong", does that make it "right"?

It seems to me that when you flirt with a guy (as a girl), that guy is led to believe that since you flirt with him, you likely flirt with other guys. I've heard this from a guy, so I'm not just speculating. Strike one against the girl. That doesn't make the guy feel special.

Some people say that flirting encourages the guy. Well, if the guy doesn't like you enough to come out and pursue you, then any amount of encouragement isn't going to do anything. If a guy really, really likes a girl, even though he's shy, he'll be willing to go right up to her. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time.

Finally, guys love the challenge of pursuing a girl. When a girl is flirting, she's throwing herself at him, though it's in a minor way. If she's already all there for him, where is the challenge? There isn't any. Why should he be interested for the right reasons? For your mind, for the excitement of discovering your personality? He wouldn't be.

So, flirting.

It doesn't seem to me to be a good way to start a relationship, or even as a way to present yourself to a man. I'm resolving to just be comfortable in myself around men and not be overly comfortable or overly tense. Just to be myself in God and to love men as brothers. God'll take it from there and we'll go onto the next step in relationships when a man gets up the gumption to pursue me.

-Tina

p.s., lots of this was inspired by the book How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason & Crystalina Evert, which is a great book. It has a cheesy title, but it's very well written and so applicable to life.

I Can Feel I'm Fading

Right now I'm kind of sick. It's sad how often I'm sick when I actually post--not that I'm always sick, of course. It's just then that I only make time.

Making time is an interesting concept. I'm notoriously bad at prioritizing according to importance. For example, I'll go to hang out with my friend when I should be practicing piano for another hour. Now, I'm not saying that hanging out with friends is unimportant; just that piano is more important. Why? Well, my parents pay something like $50 for every piano lesson I take, (I could be overestimating slightly) and if I'm not working at my piano, I'm selling them short. Besides that, I promised my teacher that I would practice faithfully. So I've been selling her short by bumping practice down the priorities list, too.

Anyhow, making time fits in because I complain to myself at the end of the day that I didn't have time to practice piano--but that's not true. I didn't make time. I did fun things instead of what I really had to do, which was kind of incredibly lame. Fun things are awesome, don't get me wrong! It's just that I'll still have time to do them later on, and some things are more important right NOW.

The thing I'm really, super bad at making time for is prayer! I'm so, so lazy about it. I take a little prayer time in the morning, but mostly I'm half-asleep and I can't concentrate. And prayer is extremely necessary to my relationship with God. It's funny that I don't think about it more, but prayer is the equivalent of spending time with a really good friend and talking with them about things that bother you, or are important to you.

I've been selling God himself short. I've said, "Hey, yeah! I love you alot! Thanks for all the stuff! See ya!" I don't really talk to him. Isn't that LAME? What kind of a relationship is it with your friends if you never hang out or talk to them? To nurture a friendship, you HAVE to make time. If it's gonna stay alive, you sure as anyhing have to work at it. It's the same with God.

So I'm trying harder. Whenever I focus on God and love him with my whole heart and soul, everything clicks into place. With God, when you love him, through him you're able to love everyone you meet in the best way possible--cause you're doing it with and through God. Cool, huh?

All of the distractions in the world tear my heart away from God, and from prayer time. Right now, I'm ashamed to say that I would rather read a good book or hang out with friends than talk to God. Sure, it's only natural--but we're not called to be natural. We're called to be Supernatural.

BUT: I'm going to work at prayer time. I'm scheduling it in the day. I'm trying to kneel at my bedside in the morning. This relationship with God has my eternal fate resting on it, so I'm not going to push it aside. Even though all of the pretty things all around me are really distracting, I'm going to do my best to stay strong and not get distracted. At least, not permanently.

-Tina